Trying to make things better for your children after divorce is difficult, as it becomes unavoidable to bring your ex-spouse into the picture. Likewise, it may be the case with the new man that you are dating, who may be having his own children and trying to deal with his own problems..
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Trying to make things better for your children after divorce is difficult, as it becomes unavoidable to bring your ex-spouse into the picture. Likewise, it may be the case with the new man that you are dating, who may be having his own children and trying to deal with his own problems. Now, this is going to pose a challenge for all of you adults as well as the children from both sides. Co-parenting with an ex-spouse takes a lot of patience and understanding from both sides, especially when both of you are into new relationship as well. There are certain things that you will need to keep in mind while co-parenting and dating someone else at the same time. It is the children who suffer the most and you will need to make the necessary adjustments which can be beneficial for all.
Co-parenting can be emotionally challenging
Even under the best circumstance, dating someone new who has totally different view towards co-parenting can be daunting for your children and yourself. Divorce may have ended your marriage but it does not mean that the family relationship has come to an end as well where children are involved. Both sets of children are passing through a difficult transition period wherein their allegiance to one or the other parent is constantly taxed. Meanwhile, you are also in a situation where your allegiance to the new man and to the ex-spouse can create moments of anger and frustration in you. Until and unless you are absolutely certain about how these allegiances will have a long term effect in the future, you need to wait before taking the plunge with the new man. Remember, you have not only your children to consider but your new man may have his own brood as well.
Don't degrade the other parent or exclude the others
Children love both their parents and would not like to hear the other being degraded or spoken disrespectfully. They may develop the feeling that you view them in the same light. This is not the time to bring out the old issues and use them as weapons in front of the children. Everyone is passing through changes, instead of the same way of doing things as a family together in the past. New adjustments have to be made and new people to be taken into account within the new family set-up. If you are already in another relationship, you cannot exclude this person by making them feel unwanted during times, when you do other things as family with the ex and the children. This, of course will be for the sake of the children, as the other new person might also need to do for their own. Do not make things difficult for the new person in your life either, as he/she juggles to maintain the same respect towards you which is also due to the other parent of his/her children.
You can move ahead in co-parenting and dating if you have a clear definition of what you want from the other person. Set your limits of what is tolerable for everyone, at the same time try being flexible and patient because the other person might also be figuring out, how best to cope with the ex-spouse. It does not become a disaster if you are able to deal with the hard issues which are bound to come up.